I was fairly recently speaking about a so-called “relationship problem” having a female.
She’s 35 years old and though she says that she seriously needed for being married with kids at this point, it has not taken place.
This relationship goal of hers has been her target to get a dozen years, and each year that “happily ever after” life has eluded her she’s developed more unhappier with the life of her.
She complains that all of the single males that she meets come out to be “losers”.
(Another unhappy relationship structure of hers happens to be an angry rage pattern of verbal encounter that she explodes into when her goals aren’t met in a relationship.)
I tried explaining to her that the longer she waits for her life to improve the psychological state of her, the structure of her of unhappiness grows more and more deeply engrained. Which means she is going to feel more and more trapped in unhappiness under all the types of conditions.
She insisted that her unhappiness is an end result of her not being in a loving relationship and she went on to blame the anger of her and melancholy on the males who have let the down of her.
This point of view of hers represents what we are able to call UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness.
I told her, “While you imagine that the despondency of yours will instantly lift up whether you might merely have a happy marriage, you’d find out very fast that the sadness of yours and anger returns still if you did meet up with male of your dreams. Why? Because your negative emotional pattern is habitual.”
Provided we create our unhappiness somebody else’s responsibility, or blame it on our life conditions, we develop an unhappy attitude that seems increasingly inescapable.
Another factor at play here has to do with the so-called “losers” she’s attracting.
Provided that we remain in a bad emotional state, we seriously cannot attract or even find positive, sentimentally healthy people to connect with.
We repel emotionally healthy people on a conscious or subconscious level, since our attitude problem “radiates” and others “pick up on” the negative emotional imbalance we live in.
Do YOU are afflicted by UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness?
The way out begins as you take responsibility for your emotional reactions and attitudes toward life and toward individuals, instead of regarding your circumstances or maybe someone else as responsible for the way you think.
The next step is examining the attitudes of yours and psychological states until you realize how the negativity of yours, not the circumstances of yours, is really all that stands in how between you and happiness.
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The third step is usually to persistently and patiently work on being much more aware of your thoughts and your attitudes, therefore you are able to practice being a little LESS angry and free and unhappy yourself from the practice of unhappiness, little by little, everyday.
As a result, you are going to find your wellbeing being far more beautiful simply how it is, you’ll attract “better” people into your life, and you’ll be a little more emotionally stable and resilient if you do find an actual “winner” of a mate for a much healthier, happier marriage.